


do u want to know a secret?

by ipretendtobesane



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Ghetto Married, M/M, POV Outsider, brief descriptions of the terry attacking mickey scene in 4x11 but like, its very small
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 12:52:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18152117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ipretendtobesane/pseuds/ipretendtobesane
Summary: Kevin was never book smart, but that doesn’t mean he was an idiot, either. He had a hard time spelling and reading and he’s never quite been able to do math but Kevin knew people.basically- kevin figures out gallavich are a thing before they come out and then he tells them just how ghetto married they really are i promise the fic is less shitty than the summary





	do u want to know a secret?

**Author's Note:**

> this is unbeta'd save for my best friend reading through it really quickly at midnight and not making any corrections sooo- it's unbeta'd pretty much 
> 
> anygays i hope u enjoy i rly love outside pov fics and kev is one of my favorite characters :3

Kevin was never book smart, but that doesn’t mean he was an idiot, either. He had a hard time spelling and reading and he’s never quite been able to do math but Kevin knew people, and, considering he was a bartender, this tended to come in handy more than anything else he would have learnt from a high school teacher. 

Kevin knew people, which is why it didn’t take him that long before he understood the deal with Mickey and Ian. It all started falling into place when Mickey was sat on one of the stools in the alibi room, silent until Veronica left to throw up in the bathroom.

“I like fuckin’ carrot tops.” And that… was not what Kevin was expecting. His eyebrows drew together in confusion, looking around the other patrons of the bar to see if anyone knew what Mickey was talking about, but everyone within hearing distance looked just as confused as he felt. Mickey was clearly drunk and not bothering to filter his thoughts, but still. The Milkovich tended to hold himself together better than that.

“Like with the freckles, and the pale skin and fuckin’… alien lookin’?” And Kevin wasn’t an idiot, okay, he had a strong feeling that the woman he pointed out to Mickey was not at all who he was talking about.

Just earlier that week Mickey had been asking about Ian, and the Gallagher fit his description pretty spectacularly. It’s not like Kevin didn’t know about both of their sexual preferences. When Ian was fifteen Kev caught him staring at his dick and he’s pretty sure Mickey’s beat the shit out of just about all the guys Ian’s been involved with, that spells out jealousy in a way even Kevin understands.

So yeah, Kevin is proud to say he was the first one to figure out Ian and Mickey’s situation. But it seems like nobody  _ believes  _ him. That night while him and Veronica are laying in bed he asks her if he could see Ian with the Milkovich kid.

Veronica’s response? A scoff and a “please, that white boy has fag-bashed far too many people for him to be gay, baby”. And that was that, that’s all V had to say.

Kevin huffed and pulled Veronica closer in his arms, pressing a kiss to her head before they fell asleep.

 

+++

 

He didn’t think about it again until the day Terry got out of prison. It was Yevgeny’s baptism and for some reason it seemed appropriate to celebrate that at a bar that hosted prostitutes in the apartment upstairs. 

So not the holiest place, not by any means, but considering the baby was part Milkovich and part russian whore, Kevin can’t say it didn’t feel appropriate.

Ian was there too, sitting a corner watching Mickey interacting with his fresh out of jail father. Kevin could practically smell the hurt coming off of Ian, and again he was reminded of the fact that Gallagher and Milkovich? Definitely an item.

Kevin walked over to where Ian was sitting and slid him a shot glass with a wink. The fact that Ian didn’t even register the wink sent his way and just downed the alcohol in one swift move told Kevin everything he needed to know.

It was a few hours into the party and Kevin could tell Ian was gearing up to leave. Him and Mickey were talking with a proximity that didn’t just happen between two acquaintances which, to everyone else, is what they were. Kev was about to go find Veronica and tell her that he was definitely right about them when Mickey smashes a bottle on his bar, shattering it and effectively silencing the entirety of the alibi room.

“I just want everybody here to know: I’m fuckin’ gay. Big ol’ ‘mo. You happy now?”

Well.

It doesn’t take long before Terry is running out of his seat and beating the ever-living  _ crap  _ out of his son. Ian runs up behind them, his plans of leaving long gone, and headbutts Terry so he gets off of Mickey.

Someone eventually calls the cops and Terry gets sent back to jail for violating his probation. Veronica refuses to meet his smirk for the rest of the night.

 

+++

 

Kevin knows people, he knew Ian and Mickey were a thing long before either of them said it out loud, and he’s great at identifying when a couple is ‘ghetto married’. Him and Veronica were for years before they got fake married and then finally  _ real  _ married, so he’s great at recognizing all the signs. 

It starts on a Monday morning. He waited until he was sure all the fuckin’ Gallgher children were at school and Fiona had already left for work before going over to their and walking directly to his toaster that they had “borrowed” (stolen)  _ again _ . He was in the kitchen pulling the toaster plugs out of the wall when Mickey came downstairs and caused Kevin to drop the toaster on his toes. He was too stunned at seeing the Milkovich that he didn’t even register the pain of dropping ten pounds directly onto his feet.

The weirdest part is that even though Mickey’s eyebrows are scrunched together in confusion, it’s not because he realizing it’s weird for him to be there, but because he’s confused as to why Kevin’s there too.

“Uh morning? What the fuck are you doing with the toaster, man, I was gonna heat up bagels for me ‘n Ian.”

And now Kevin’s  _ really  _ confused. “Fiona can’t afford bagels.”

“No but with some extra cash from the rub-n-tug  _ I _ can, now will you let me toast my fuckin’ food?”

“Hey- wait! The rub-n-tug is making more money?” Kevin completely lets go of the fact that the Gallaghers will probably continue using his toaster for the foreseeable future since Mickey has already gone and plugged it back into the wall by the counter.

“Yeah but only because creepy ass pervs think it’s hot to get jerked off by a pregnant woman so I charge ‘em extra for it since, technically, they’re payin’ for two.”

Kevin is constantly appalled by the shit that makes it out of Mickey Milkovich’s mouth.

“Well why the fuck do you get to keep it? Shouldn’t it be split since we’re business partners ‘n all?”

Mickey doesn’t even look up from where he’s spreading cream cheese over the bagels, “no fuckin’ way. It’s my wife who’s pregnant, man,  _ I’m  _ gonna pocket the extra cash.”

The reminder that, technically, Svetlana really  _ is  _ Mickey’s wife makes Kevin laugh. Kevin’s sudden outburst makes Mickey turn around and stare at him, eyebrows raised high like he’s challenging Kevin into explaining ‘what the fuck was so goddamn funny’.

“Sorry, man, it’s just… Svetlana’s not your wife, dude.  _ You’re  _ the wife. Ian’s at least.”

Kevin should really learn to watch his mouth around Mickey, because the way the shorter man pushes Kevin into the corner of the kitchen feels like a practiced interaction.

“The fuck did you just say to me?”

“Relax, man, it’s no big deal. What you and Ian have is sweet, you’re ghetto married, and you’re his ghetto wife.”

“Call me a wife one more time and I’m gonna rip your fuckin teeth out of your head.”

Kevin’s about to make a comment on how he doubts Mickey could even reach that high when he’s saved from getting his kneecaps broken by Ian walking down the stairs.

The way Mickey immediately softens at Ian’s presence just proves the point Kevin was making.

“Mornin’ sleepyhead. I got you bagels.”

At this point it has to be a fucking joke. There have to be cameras around, or something, because Mickey just called Ian  _ sleepyhead  _ immediately after having threatened to rip bones out of Kevin’s head.

“Not his wife, my ass,” Kevin mumbles, thinking he said it quietly but apparently not quiet enough in the silence of the kitchen. 

Mickey flips a 180 again and send murderous beady blue eyes in Kevins direction where he’s still leaning against the wall. Ian wraps an arm around his wife’s chest and pulls him so he’s pressed against Ian to keep him from doing anything stupid.

“What are you talking about?” Ian asks, rather  _ slurs  _ because he’s definitely still tired, and from what Kevin’s heard from Veronica he knows Ian’s just starting to get out of bed, finally coming out of a depressive phase. Kevin’s glad he seems to be getting better, that doesn’t mean he’s gonna treat him sweetly or any shit like that. He figures if Ian’s still sad that at least means he’s not gonna threaten Kevin with physical harm.

“Just about how you and Mickey are married and how he’s your ghetto wife.”

Ian smiles, “how do you determine if someone is ghetto married?”

“Well, he clearly cooks for you-”

“Puttin’ bagels in a fuckin’ toaster doesn’t all of a sudden make me Ian’s personal sous chef man, it doesn’t count.”

“Oh, but Mickey- it totally does.”

“Whatever,” Mickey says with a scoff and a roll of eyes, but the toughness of the move is diluted considerably considering he’s still pressed back to chest with Ian, one of his hands playing with the one Ian has splayed on his stomach.

Ian’s grin is splitting his whole face, something Kevin makes a note of to tell Fiona about later, and beckons Kev to continue with his ghetto married explanation.

“So he cooks. Does he fold your clothes?”

Ian nods excitedly, clearly enjoying this, and opens his mouth to explain just how true that statement is, but Mickey responds before the redhead ever gets a chance to.

“It’s only because he was layin’ in bed like a fuckin’ vegetable. What was I supposed to do about the pile of nasty ass clothes on the floor? Let ‘em stink up our room? Fuck no.”

“ _ Our  _ room? Oh Mickey you make this too  _ easy _ , man!” Kevin says through laughter. “Can I assume he stays over more than four nights a week?” He asks the question at Ian, who just nods with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Helps you out with random stuff?” This makes even Mickey nod, and Kevin can guess why. Fiona had never mentioned it, or at least Veronica hadn’t passed the news down to Kevin, but he figures Mickey’s been pretty instrumental in helping Ian out with his mental bipolar disease illness whatever thing, and while that’s not exactly the ‘random stuff’ that Kevin is usually talking about, it still counts.

“Well then, boys, you two are ghetto married! It’s not the first time a Gallagher’s been ghetto hitched to a Milkovich. Let’s just hope it you two end up better off than the last couple, yeah?” Kevin says, patting both boys on the sides of the head before heading out of the Gallagher household. Before he leaves though, he hears Ian laugh and say “I quite like having you as my little ghetto wife.”

Mickey responds with a “shut the fuck up, army.” but the sounds of kissing that follow it means Mickey probably doesn’t have any actual issue with it.

Kevin was okay never been good with numbers or letters or the sounds those letters make, he wasn’t supposed to be book smart. He’s people smart, he hardly ever misjudges a situation, even when the situation seems absurd, and he  _ definitely  _ didn’t misjudge this one. He’s most  _ certainly  _ gonna rub that fact into Veronica’s face as soon as he got home.

**Author's Note:**

> hope u liked it!! kudos n (nice) comments always appreciated xoxo


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